I was thinking about The Rolling Stones Classic “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” single off of their 1969 “Let It Bleed” album. More specifically, I was focusing on the depth behind the second half of that line “But if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need.”
How many times have you really wanted something only to find when you finally get what you want, it’s not really what you expected. Or even more important, it’s not what you thought you needed?
You Get What You Want vs. You Get What You Need
There are so many great examples of this in life: seeking something and then realizing after we get it that it’s not what we really needed. We all have our own stories. Love and money tend to be a part of many of them.
For example, you really want to make more money. So you leave your current job and take another job that pays you $10,000 more a year. That’s what you want. But after you make the change you realize that the pay raise isn’t changing your life all that much. Maybe it’s letting you go out to dinner more or lease a more expensive car. But that’s not making you happy. Meanwhile, the new job is incredibly demanding (What do you expect for more money?) and it’s taking that free time that you’d like to spend going out to dinner and making you stay late at work. You don’t like the people you work with as much and you miss your old life.
You got what you wanted. You didn’t get what you really needed.
Figuring Out Want vs. Need
Life has a funny way of tempering or grounding our envisioned wants or desires. I’ve found on my journey that the harder I try to getwhat it is that I think I really want, the greater the obstacles or road-blocks keeping me from reaching or attaining “my desired want.” It’s almost as if a giant Detour sign (see Follow the Signs blog post) has been placed directly in my path. And it’s flashing… “You are about to make a really big mistake… Are you sure you want to go here?”
I’ve learned over time to adhere to the detour sign and have found that this acceptance and patience is oftentimes rewarded with an outcome better suited for me and even greater than I could have ever imagined.
When it comes to making key decisions in life, I’ve found that having the patience to really assess and think through my options–followed by an acceptance of those options based on a present-day reality–usually enable me to get more than what I need.
Keep an eye out for the detour signs in your life. Be introspective and take the time to assess your options. It will help you ensure that you get what you need more often than not.
Sometimes we can learn a lot from music. The Rolling Stones are a great example. Many of their songs, including “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” can teach us some good life lessons. We just have to listen–both to them and to ourselves.
You may not be the least bit interested in the NFL (or in sports at all). But sometimes, a sports metaphor is helpful in understanding something that’s important to each and every one of us. And if you’re just kicking off a health-related battle (pun intended) then stay with me as I explain your need for a “Healthcare Quarterback.”
Understanding the Quarterback’s Role
This week the NFL’s 32 teams kicked off their training camps as they begin preparation for the upcoming 2019 season. Every NFL team roster has 53 players on it. But there’s one position that has the greatest impact on the overall performance of the team: the quarterback. One of the primary goals coming out of training camp is for a team to have answered this important question: “Who is the Quarterback?”
So how does an NFL team evaluate quarterback talent? According to college and NFL talent evaluator Chris Landry, pro-quarterback prospects must have a combination of physical abilities and key intangibles. They include:
• Having total dedication to football • Not being an excuse maker or seeker • Inspiring confidence of his teammates • Thoroughly understanding pro-style defenses how to beat these schemes • Having the ability to read and react quickly and stay cool in the pocket • Having the ability to remain calm and collected to changes in health or treatment status
In short, a quarterback is the team leader. He’s the person everyone will turn to in times of crisis. His success (or failure) will determine the team’s performance in the upcoming season.
Why You Need a Healthcare Quarterback
If you dealing with a major health issue (i.e., cancer, heart disease, diabetes, Parkinson’s etc.), you will likely have a team of people working to help you win the battle. But just like in football, there’s a need for one person to take the lead and be the decision maker throughout the process. That one person will have the greatest impact on your treatment and prognosis. In other words, you need a healthcare quarterback.
If you are thinking that your family doctor or oncologist will fill that role for you, you are in for a rude awakening. Healthcare services today are delivered in a manner similar to how a boutique-style business serves their customers; typically serving their niche market customer set only and not venturing far (if at all) from this familiar zone. Healthcare specialists provide services to their patients in their functional discipline –heart, pulmonary, oncology, anesthesia etc. – but there isn’t any one doctor that will act as your quarterback and navigate you through the healthcare bureaucracy.
How Do You Choose a Healthcare Quarterback
So, now that we know we need a healthcare quarterback, it’s time to start thinking about what characteristics this individual should possess.
Building on the characteristics of a successful quarterback in the NFL, you should look for someone that:
• Has the time and energy to dedicate to battling the condition • Is organized, intelligent and decisive • Inspires confidence in the healthcare team members • Has the ability to understand complex medical procedures and jargon and how it relates to battling the condition
Before you make your decision, though, I have two additional pieces of advice.
1. Don’t exclude yourself from the list of healthcare quarterbacks.
”Regarding my mother Maxine’s and wife Alyson’s battles with cancer, we learned early on that Max and Alyson, and not family members, were the real Generals [or for the purposes of this blog, the quarterbacks] controlling the battle. As such, we had to constantly reign in our personal desires and remember to live each day in the moment to stay in sync with Max’s and Alyson’s physical, emotional, and mental energies. This enlightened approach allowed us to reduce the anxiety and stress associated with a leadership void as well as delegate tasks to our troops in a more efficient manner.”
2. I highly advise against a two-quarterback system.
I could bore you with countless stories of failed attempts by college and NFL teams to implement a two-Quarterback system but this quote from John Madden, former American football and Super Bowl winning head coach, 2006 Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee and NFL sportscaster, states it best: “If you have two quarterbacks, you actually have none.”
Just like every football team needs a quarterback, your upcoming medical battle needs a person to take charge, make decisions, and keep everyone calm and in line during the most difficult moments.
In the NFL, it’s all about winning and losing, and often the quarterback’s play is the deciding factor in the outcome of a game. For your upcoming medical battle, the stakes are even higher. We’re not talking about a game, we’re talking about your life. You need to have complete confidence that the person you select as your healthcare QB is game-day ready and can take charge, make decisions, and lead your healthcare team to victory! So choose wisely.
If you’re a competitive or professional athlete, you probably know a lot about goal setting (and achieving those goals). But if you’re not, I am going to share the life lessons I learned from a tremendous experience and privilege I had in my youth that set me on a path to successful goal setting and attainment.
I had the good fortune to participate in the Cumberland Valley High School football program under legendary head football coach Harry C. Chapman III. In the 1970’s and 80’s, Coach Chapman’s football program had an off-season workout component that would rival most 2019 major college football off-season conditioning programs.
The start of summer takes me back in time to the days spent taking part in Coach Chapman’s summer workout sessions with teammates in the CV gym and at the track. And when I go back in time, I hear the same voice in my head that I heard 40 years ago, calling out his go-to words of encouragement…Fellas, get your weights!
The following quote, credited to former Dallas Cowboys Head Coach Tom Landry, provides readers with insight into Coach Chapman’s off-season program philosophy “… I believe in getting a team prepared so it knows it will have the necessary confidence when it steps on the field and be prepared to play a good game.” Coach Chapman’s off-season program emphasized the five following key goal-setting principles. Each one includes a “key takeaway” that you can use in your next goal setting exercise, whether that’s related to sports, business, a fight against cancer … or anything else in life.
Principal #1: Define Both Team and Individual Goals
Coach Chapman emphasized a team-first mentality, and the importance of individuals maximizing their athletic abilities for the betterment of the team. He would sit down with each player at the end of the school year and set specific strength, agility and conditioning exercise goals for their summer workout program.
Key takeaway #1: Have anyone responsible for achieving the desired goals participate in an exercise that sets both team and individual goals. This ensures buy-in, personal responsibility and accountability by all participants.
“You can’t hit a target you cannot see, and you cannot see a target you do not have.” – a Zig Ziglar favorite quote of close high school friend and teammate #85 Edward “Spike” Zionkofski
Principal #2: Maintain Consistency and Dedication to Goals
Coach Chapman held morning and evening workout sessions every Monday, Wednesday and Friday in the summer. It was understood that players would attend one session a day. And the sessions weren’t easy: They began with a weight-lifting period–players recorded the weight and reps attempted for each exercise–followed by a circuit of timed agility exercise stations set up in the gymnasium. After the agility circuit, Coach Chapman would take the players to the track for stretching and a recorded distance and/or a speed workout.
Key takeaway #2: Have a regular routine that everyone follows. This ensures a consistent level of effort is directed toward achieving their goals over an extended period.
“There may be people that have more talent than you, but there’s no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do.” – Derek Jeter
Principal #3: Establish Benchmark Testing and Reporting Procedures
Coach Chapman would test and record key exercises (e.g., half squats, single and five rep bench, 40 yard dash, mile run etc.) for all players throughout the summer. To motivate and inspire players, he would post charts on the walls listing all players and their personal best for each recorded exercise. He also recorded new personal bests in his highly-sought-after “blue ink.” These methods encouraged players to continually strive to receive “blue ink” and a “good effort” acknowledgement from Coach Chapman.
Key takeaway #3: Have a method of regularly monitoring and tracking your progress. This ensures that you are taking the right steps to achieve your goals. If you determine you are not on the right track, you can modify your strategy or plan to ensure you achieve the desired results.
“When you’ve got something to prove, there’s nothing greater than a challenge.” –Terry Bradshaw
Principal #4: Create a Culture That Fosters Competition and Teamwork
Coach Chapman used to get really fired up when he was testing/recording players, especially when a player was attempting a new personal best. His enthusiasm was contagious, and often resulted in a crowd of teammates gathering around to encourage the player to succeed. Call it motivation, fear of embarrassment, or a sense of pride, but you always felt compelled to give it your all; and more importantly, to not let your teammates down.
Key takeaway #4: Establish a positive and competitive environment that fosters peak individual performance and team unity. This ensures a “team first” mindset and mentality for any team, group or organization
“You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.” – Michael Jordan
Principal #5: Persevere, Persevere, Persevere
Coach Chapman’s football program emphasized the importance of perseverance in all activities, both on the football field and in the classroom. This phrasing–along with persistence, mental toughness, hard work and overcoming adversity–were commonly-repeated themes that you heard when you were in the presence of Coach Chapman.
Key takeaway #5: Have the physical and mental toughness, as well as intestinal fortitude, to overcome the challenges that occur in football, the classroom or in life. In summary, I have found that very little is given to us in life, and most successes are the result of hard work, persistence and perseverance.
“Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.”- John Wooden
Coach Harry C. Chapman III’s goal-setting principles and coaching philosophy has had a positive impact throughout my life and for that I am truly grateful. I believe that Coach Chapman’s goal setting principles can be used by anyone to help ensure that they not only meet–but exceed–their desired life goals.
A special thanks to my close grade school friends and teammates #13 Harry C. “Four” Chapman IV and #72 Brian “Bull” Bullock for their contributions to the creation of this blog.
I would also like to acknowledge the countless hours the early 1980’s CV Football Coaching Staff — Coach Harry Chapman, Coach Butch Bricker, Coach Bob Crobak, Coach Ron Audo, Coach Joe Correal, Coach Tom Uhrich and Coach Jim Hess — invested in teaching young men how to compete and conduct themselves both on and off the football field.
Thank You Coach Chapman! #82 Frank Antonicelli
” Inspirational for any and all that are dealing with cancer. ”-Tina Johnson