Face Your Fears. Know Your Enemy.

Fear is a sneaky thing that shows up at our doorstep when we least expect it. Fear can paralyze us from doing the things we really need to do – the things we MUST do. We don’t often think of fear as a good thing, but when we shift our thinking around fear, we can not only face it, but conquer it. I saw this firsthand during multiple cancer battles from close family members, but I see it every day of my life. Small fears, big fears…they’re all real fears we must deal with.

Here are a few things that help:

  1. Name it.  When you can name your fear and recognize it, you gain a certain level of power over it. It’s still scary and hard, but it’s known. Like the name of my book, “Know Your Enemy,” once you know what you’re up against, you can approach it better.
  2. Look Big Picture. So much of our fear is based on the immediate feeling or emotion, but facing something hard and scary may have long-term benefits that we can’t see right now. Yes, it may be hard in the moment, but the benefits far outweigh the fear. When we shift our perspective to view the bigger picture, we can face that hard circumstance just a little easier. 
  3. Find your people. If you’re up against something really scary and hard (like cancer), go find your people. Don’t go at this scary thing alone. You don’t have to. And, it’s a whole lot easier when you have people by your side helping you face that fear.
  4. Educate yourself. Fear has this way of making us think we have to do it all by ourselves and that we can’t seek out help. But, the more educated and armed we are, the smarter we will be at fighting a hard battle. Find those experts who can help you fight your cancer battle. Find those people who can help with day-to-day things. Read those books and educate yourself so that you truly know how to fight your enemy. Knowledge is power and this power helps you fight your fears with confidence.  
  5. Share your story.  Friends, there is power in sharing your story. Facing hard times and fearful situations are not in vain. Your story and struggle has purpose and you can help encourage others who are going through a similar struggle simply by sharing your story. 

We often don’t get to choose when we deal with our fears, but the more I’m ready to face them, the better I get when they creep on up. We have the power to face hard things. YOU have the power to face hard things. May we face one more fear today than we did yesterday!

Coping with Grief During the Holidays

“Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.”
–Vicki Harrison

The holiday season is often viewed as a wonderful time of the year, filled with much joy and happiness.  It is generally marked with people reflecting on their year and celebrating with family and friends.  However, when faced with the recent loss of a loved one, the holidays can be very challenging and stressful.  My experience has been no different.

The first holiday on your own is often, but not always the toughest to get through. For me, it brought me face-to-face with the cold and stark reality that my life had changed and would never be the same. I felt a deep sadness and emotional void from this tremendous personal loss but I never looked back or lost a sense of hope for the future.

Well, here are a few tips that helped me handle the holidays with a brave face.

First off, it is ok to acknowledge your sadness over the loss of a loved one with family and friends. Just try not to let this dominate your conversations with others. In my case, I tried to focus on the joy and happiness others were experiencing as a distraction and mood changer.

Next, some of us find comfort in being alone, while others enjoy the social interaction with friends and family. For me, I found both comfort and strength from participating in the family activities of my friends. They made me feel welcome and included in the holidays.  We are all different and the important part is to let the healing process take its natural course.

I also needed to give myself some time to rest, as this process can be physically and mentally exhausting. During gatherings with family and  friends, I would find myself feeling overwhelmed and unprepared for connections. Over time, I learned that it was ok for me to take some time to care for myself. But, like everything during this period, it’s been a process.

Adjusting some of my holiday traditions has also proved to be helpful. In time, I would even create some new ones. Instead of asking myself “How will I get through this”, over time my mantra became “I will get through this.”

Writing has always been a helpful activity for me, and has allowed me to clarify my feelings and ideas. I hope that sharing this helps you find your own way to cope with loss and grief you may be experiencing this holiday.