The Simplicity of Saying “I’m Sorry”

When I was writing the last blog post… It is what it is or is it, I started thinking about another saying or phrase that I’m not sure I totally buy into. That would be the title of one of Elton John’s classics from the 1970’s: “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” In fact, I would venture to say that saying “I’m sorry” should be one of the simplest and easiest actions you can – and should – take.

What Elton John Gets Wrong … The “When” of Saying I’m Sorry

In listening to the song (and in particular, the lyrics) multiple times, I noticed that one stanza caught my attention and it goes…

It’s sad, so sad
Why can’t we talk it over?
Oh, it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

Is it possible that Elton John (and songwriter Bernie Taupin) made a common human error in writing these lyrics? Namely, they didn’t lead with the apology.

Following the train of thought in the song, the lyrics say, “Why can’t we talk it over?” Then they go on to note that,“sorry seems to be the hardest word.”

To me, the reason why we (or Elton) can’t talk it over is because we/Elton didn’t lead with “I’m sorry,” and then suggest “let’s talk it over.”

Sometimes it’s the order that matters.

The Simplicity of Saying I’m Sorry

Let’s put the song lyrics into a real-life situation. When I’m upset with someone, the last thing I want to do (at least initially) is to talk to them about it. So, ”why can’t we talk it over” is not even in the cards in the beginning.

However, if that person gets in touch with me and simply says, “Hey bro, I’m sorry for whatever…” no reason or excuse is needed or wanted at that point. As a matter of fact, I think the less that is said the better, at least in my case.

In short, an apology doesn’t have to be long and drawn out. It doesn’t need to involve explanations about what happened or trying to make it up to someone. All it takes is a little self awareness, honesty and a few simple words: “I’m sorry.”

Why It’s So Important to Apologize

Anger, conflict etc. in your life creates internal turmoil and stresses the body. It’s as if you are walking around with a weighted vest on and that’s not healthy for the mind or body. That’s not good for either the person who made the mistake, or the person who was hurt by it.

When you have situations in your life where you did somebody wrong, find it in yourself to apologize. If this allows you to reset a relationship, great. And if the response to your outreach is negative, you will have peace of mind knowing that you did the right thing, and then move on and don’t look back.

How often in life can two simple words have so much impact?

It Is What It Is … But Is It Really?

I was thinking about a phrase that I first heard my Aunt Madeline say 20+ years ago…It is what it is. Within the last five years, this phrase has become fairly commonplace in both work and social settings. But is believing it potentially harmful and disabling? Let’s examine.

So What Does It Really Mean?

When I hear “It is what it is,” my mind immediately goes to the famous quote by Albert Einstein: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”  

Sometimes, I also think about the famous Will Rogers quote: “If you find yourself in a hole, quit digging.”

There’s a theme here, and I’m not sure it’s a good one… It’s one of dejection and acceptance. That type of mentality doesn’t empower you to improve yourself or your life. It makes you feel like a victim.

Real Life Examples

Let’s say you are frustrated because you just can’t lose that extra weight you’ve been carrying around. Should you just give up and say, “It is what it is” (i.e. there’s really nothing I can do about it)? Or is the answer to seek professional help to create a personalized plan to lose the desired weight?

How about your perceived dead-end job? Are you locked into this profession for the rest of your life because it is what it is? Or is there a possibility that your professional skill-sets and passion may be better suited for a different employer or career choice?

Then there is the “Ground Hog Day” of your love life. You know, where you experience the same less than desirable outcomes in your relationships over and over and over again. Are you destined for a life-time of unfulfilling relationships because it just is what it is? Or could it possibly be a question of changing your parameters to achieve a different end result?

The answers to these examples (at least to me) are obvious:  If you are unhappy with your weight, develop a nutrition program and exercise. If you are unhappy with your career, find a job that better suits your strengths and passions. And if you are unhappy with your relationship prospects, then raise the bar for yourself and your “target market.”

So, Is “It Is What It Is?” Harmful?

Here’s my perspective … It doesn’t matter whether it’s a health, professional or personal matter. I truly believe that you have the power to influence — if not control — the outcome of these scenarios.

I don’t buy into the helplessness of it is what it is.

If you’re unhappy with a certain aspects of your life, then there is no better time than the present to start making the desired change.

In these cases, I venture to say … it is what you make it.

Gather Your Troops: The Power of Community In A Cancer Battle

The Power of Community In A Cancer Battle

One of our natural tendencies when we find out hard news is to pull away from others. It is easy to get stuck in a mindset or feel depressed and sometimes the last thing we want is to drag other people down. If I’ve learned anything in my experiences with cancer battles, it is that you need other people. And, you know what? They need you too.

Arm Yourself For Cancer Battle With Others

Enlisting your foot soldiers can be powerful because it reminds you that you aren’t alone. A diagnosis of any kind can often feel isolating, and even if the people around you aren’t processing a cancer diagnosis, their presence alone can help remind you that you aren’t alone. Don’t let the lies of disease trick you into believing that others don’t care or won’t understand. 

Friends Can Help You Meet Practical Needs

Practically speaking, you will finding yourself in situations where you simply need some help. You will be tired, worn out, and need an extra hand to simply help you get to the next step in the fight. This applies to caregivers as well! We simply need each other and I’ve never seen that more than in the middle of a cancer battle. Enlist your troops to help you with the practical aspects of life because you will need it at some point. 

Cancer Community Can Be Sweet

When you’re walking through something like cancer, you have a unique bond with anyone else who has ever had a similar diagnosis. You’re part of a special club, whether you like it or not. You’ll feel a special kindred spirit with anyone who has heard those difficult words. Those who haven’t had cancer will never fully relate. There is a lot of wealth you can glean from others who are part of this special community. 

Let Others Love You

The more you open up to others about your diagnosis, the more support you will find. People love to help, especially in times of illness. Let others use their gifts to bless and support you. Have you ever considered that you are denying people of living out their purpose when you deny their support and gifts of time, love, or even money? It’s a lot easier to accept help and love from others when you start to view their offers in this way. Love has this amazing power to change everything if you let it. 

When you are walking through something hard like cancer, one of the best things you can do is embrace the community you already have around you, and seek out community that can help you fight strong! You don’t need to fight cancer alone. You can fight stronger, smarter, and more hopeful when you walk with others by your side.

You might also like this blog: WHO’S YOUR HEALTHCARE QUARTERBACK?

Finding Your “Me Time” (and How to Use It Wisely)

The hustle and bustle of daily life can feel like it’s eating up every minute of every day. How many times have you said: “There aren’t enough hours in the day,” or “I’m so busy I can barely breathe.” Translation: you need some “me time”.

The Importance of “Me Time”

If you are like most people, your daily task list includes: spouse and/or children tasks, work tasks, house tasks, pet tasks, sports/club/group tasks (and more)! There is, however one glaring omission from this exhaustive list: the “me time” task. That’s the time when it’s all about you.

Can you remember, the last time you had time to or for yourself? How about the last time you were alone and it was so quiet you could actually hear yourself think? It’s probably been a while.

These opportunities, while limited, often provide a way for people to take a temporary time-out from the roller coaster of life and check-in with their inner voice. This is when you can really reflect on your life, your decisions, and your state of emotional being.

3 Questions You May Ask Yourself

When you finally have the time to get deep in your thoughts and connect with your inner self, your mind is likely to wander to these three important questions.

1. Am I on the right track in life? As I’ve said many times before, time is precious and life moves at warp speed. If you listen closely, your inner voice will tell you whether or not you are on the right track. If you find that you are on the right life-track, great. If you realize that you took a temporary detour, you can make the necessary changes to get your life back on track.

2. Is my life filled with joy or tension? All of us need to be surrounded by positive influences in our life — be it people or activities. Your inner voice will let you know honestly and objectively whether you’ve been successful at that. Is your life filled with people and activities that bring you joy and pleasure or stress and tension? Negativity breeds negativity. You set a high standard and bring a lot to your relationships. Expect the same from those you consider part of your inner circle.

3. Does my life have purpose and meaning? This is a topic that is often overlooked, but I believe that individuals derive a lot of their personal happiness and self-worth from it. Feeling like you have purpose and meaning could mean having a job that you love, being involved in rewarding volunteer work, or raising good children. When people feel they’re making a difference in their little corner of the world, they typically feel good about themselves and their lot in life. On the other hand, when people feel that they are just spinning their wheels, it can lead to unhappiness and discontent. That can have a ripple effect on many aspects of their life.

If you listen closely to your inner voice you will usually find the answers to these three important questions. So next time you’re working on your to-do list, add one more item to it. Your “me time.” This bit of self reflection may lead to more long-term happiness than you could ever imagine.