To Live Your Dreams or to Chase Your Dreams? (Another Perspective)

Last week, I wrote a blog post about the difference between living the dream and chasing the dream, being or feeling content when you are enjoying your life as it is, and the discontent you feel when you’re always seeking more. But I wonder … is it that black and white? Can it be a good thing to chase your dreams from time to time?

When Does Living the Dream Go Too Far?

So let me play devil’s advocate here….

There’s a counterpoint to be made to my statement the other day: that living the dream leads to a happier, healthier outlook. Maybe being too happy or too content isn’t ideal either.

Let’s take it to an extreme. Let’s say you’re unemployed, unable to pay your rent, and about to be evicted. But hey, you are healthy and alive, so you are content and “living the dream.” So you kick back, smile and figure that whatever happens … happens.

Now most people will never be content in that situation. But let’s dial it back a bit. Let’s say you are 27 years old, have been in minimum-wage job for the last five years, and are still living with your parents. But you have great friends, go out every night and have fun, and are truly enjoying life. Is that an okay time to be living the dream? Chances are your parents don’t think so.

When and How to Chase Your Dreams

We can all agree: the key to happiness in life is … well … to be happy.

But sometimes, maybe it’s important to balance that happiness in the moment with setting career goals (like getting that dream job), planning for the future (like saving for retirement) … or even dating (so that you can find the right person for you).

Chances are you can come up with one or two things that you want to improve about your life. Here’s how to take those and make them goals you can really achieve.

• Think about where you want to be and work backwards from there. What steps will it take to get from point A to point B?

• Give yourself concrete objectives and timelines. For example, hold yourself to an objective, like “I need to update my resume by the end of the year.” Or “I want to lose 5 pounds in the next 6 weeks.”

• Find ways to reward yourself along the way as you achieve the small objectives that will help you chase your dreams.

• Bring in friends and family members that can help cheer you on and be your biggest supporters.

So maybe chasing your dreams doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy each and every day that gets you there. Maybe it means that it’s important throughout your life to continually stop and think about what can make you even happier – both now and in the future.

Are You Living the Dream or Chasing the Dream?

In a previous blog post, called Don’t Bury Your Head in the Sand, I referenced the final scene from the movie Dirty Harry where Inspector Harry Callahan says to the villain…”Do You Feel Lucky.” I used it to emphasize the importance of listening to your body and acting when you sense something isn’t right. For this post, I have a similar question for readers to contemplate: Are you chasing the dream or living the dream?

What Is the Difference Between Chasing and Living the Dream?

Well, chasing the dream is another way of saying that you still haven’t found what you’re looking for. For whatever reason(s), you aren’t content with certain aspects of your life and so you feel the need to seek, search, or wish for something more. 

On the flipside, living the dream says to me that you have found contentment with your life as it is today. You have found an inner peace and calm.

Why Living is Preferred Over Chasing

The phrase “living the dream” pretty much says it all. It involves living in the moment and enjoying the task at hand. It means that you’re content and satisfied. Just compare that to the angst and discontent of wishing or wanting what you don’t have.  

This may sound simple, but chances are if you assess your own life you may find that you are spending a disproportionate amount of your time chasing your dreams and less time living them. 

Some Basic Living vs Chasing Dream Questions

So how do you know if you are living or chasing? Here’s a good list of questions to ask yourself.

• Do you focus on the positive or negative aspects of your physical appearance?

• Do you feel a sense of self-worth or lack of purpose with your career profession?

• Do you see the charm or deficiencies of your current domicile?

• Are you satisfied with your interpersonal relationships or are you seeking more from family and friends?

• Do you feel a sense of security or insecurity with your personal financial status?

Answer these questions honestly. After all, you don’t have to share your responses with anyone but yourself. Those answers will likely be good indicators as to whether you are living the dream or chasing the dream.

You Get What You Need

I was thinking about The Rolling Stones Classic “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” single off of their 1969 “Let It Bleed” album. More specifically, I was focusing on the depth behind the second half of that line “But if you try sometimes, you might just find, you get what you need.”

How many times have you really wanted something only to find when you finally get what you want, it’s not really what you expected. Or even more important, it’s not what you thought you needed?

You Get What You Want vs. You Get What You Need

There are so many great examples of this in life: seeking something and then realizing after we get it that it’s not what we really needed. We all have our own stories. Love and money tend to be a part of many of them.

For example, you really want to make more money. So you leave your current job and take another job that pays you $10,000 more a year. That’s what you want. But after you make the change you realize that the pay raise isn’t changing your life all that much. Maybe it’s letting you go out to dinner more or lease a more expensive car. But that’s not making you happy. Meanwhile, the new job is incredibly demanding (What do you expect for more money?) and it’s taking that free time that you’d like to spend going out to dinner and making you stay late at work. You don’t like the people you work with as much and you miss your old life.

You got what you wanted. You didn’t get what you really needed.

Figuring Out Want vs. Need

Life has a funny way of tempering or grounding our envisioned wants or desires.  I’ve found on my journey that the harder I try to get what it is that I think I really want, the greater the obstacles or road-blocks keeping me from reaching or attaining “my desired want.” It’s almost as if a giant Detour sign (see Follow the Signs blog post) has been placed directly in my path. And it’s flashing… “You are about to make a really big mistake… Are you sure you want to go here?”

I’ve learned over time to adhere to the detour sign and have found that this acceptance and patience is oftentimes rewarded with an outcome better suited for me and even greater than I could have ever imagined.

When it comes to making key decisions in life, I’ve found that having the patience to really assess and think through my options–followed by an acceptance of those options based on a present-day reality–usually enable me to get more than what I need.

Keep an eye out for the detour signs in your life. Be introspective and take the time to assess your options. It will help you ensure that you get what you need more often than not.


Sometimes we can learn a lot from music. The Rolling Stones are a great example. Many of their songs, including “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” can teach us some good life lessons. We just have to listen–both to them and to ourselves.

Who’s Your Healthcare Quarterback?

You may not be the least bit interested in the NFL (or in sports at all). But sometimes, a sports metaphor is helpful in understanding something that’s important to each and every one of us. And if you’re just kicking off a health-related battle (pun intended) then stay with me as I explain your need for a “Healthcare Quarterback.”

Understanding the Quarterback’s Role

This week the NFL’s 32 teams kicked off their training camps as they begin preparation for the upcoming 2019 season. Every NFL team roster has 53 players on it. But there’s one position that has the greatest impact on the overall performance of the team: the quarterback. One of the primary goals coming out of training camp is for a team to have answered this important question: “Who is the Quarterback?”

So how does an NFL team evaluate quarterback talent? According to college and NFL talent evaluator Chris Landry, pro-quarterback prospects must have a combination of physical abilities and key intangibles. They include:

• Having total dedication to football
• Not being an excuse maker or seeker
• Inspiring confidence of his teammates
• Thoroughly understanding pro-style defenses how to beat these schemes
• Having the ability to read and react quickly and stay cool in the pocket
• Having the ability to remain calm and collected to changes in health or treatment status

In short, a quarterback is the team leader. He’s the person everyone will turn to in times of crisis. His success (or failure) will determine the team’s performance in the upcoming season.

Why You Need a Healthcare Quarterback

If you dealing with a major health issue (i.e., cancer, heart disease, diabetes, Parkinson’s etc.), you will likely have a team of people working to help you win the battle. But just like in football, there’s a need for one person to take the lead and be the decision maker throughout the process. That one person will have the greatest impact on your treatment and prognosis. In other words, you need a healthcare quarterback.

If you are thinking that your family doctor or oncologist will fill that role for you, you are in for a rude awakening. Healthcare services today are delivered in a manner similar to how a boutique-style business serves their customers; typically serving their niche market customer set only and not venturing far (if at all) from this familiar zone. Healthcare specialists provide services to their patients in their functional discipline –heart, pulmonary, oncology, anesthesia etc. – but there isn’t any one doctor that will act as your quarterback and navigate you through the healthcare bureaucracy.

How Do You Choose a Healthcare Quarterback

So, now that we know we need a healthcare quarterback, it’s time to start thinking about what characteristics this individual should possess.

Building on the characteristics of a successful quarterback in the NFL, you should look for someone that:

• Has the time and energy to dedicate to battling the condition
• Is organized, intelligent and decisive
• Inspires confidence in the healthcare team members
• Has the ability to understand complex medical procedures and jargon and how it relates to battling the condition

Before you make your decision, though, I have two additional pieces of advice.

1. Don’t exclude yourself from the list of healthcare quarterbacks.

In Know Your Enemy, the 1st edition, I wrote…

”Regarding my mother Maxine’s and wife Alyson’s battles with cancer, we learned early on that Max and Alyson, and not family members, were the real Generals [or for the purposes of this blog, the quarterbacks] controlling the battle. As such, we had to constantly reign in our personal desires and remember to live each day in the moment to stay in sync with Max’s and Alyson’s physical, emotional, and mental energies. This enlightened approach allowed us to reduce the anxiety and stress associated with a leadership void as well as delegate tasks to our troops in a more efficient manner.”

2. I highly advise against a two-quarterback system.

I could bore you with countless stories of failed attempts by college and NFL teams to implement a two-Quarterback system but this quote from John Madden, former American football and Super Bowl winning head coach, 2006 Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee and NFL sportscaster, states it best: “If you have two quarterbacks, you actually have none.”

Just like every football team needs a quarterback, your upcoming medical battle needs a person to take charge, make decisions, and keep everyone calm and in line during the most difficult moments.

In the NFL, it’s all about winning and losing, and often the quarterback’s play is the deciding factor in the outcome of a game. For your upcoming medical battle, the stakes are even higher. We’re not talking about a game, we’re talking about your life. You need to have complete confidence that the person you select as your healthcare QB is game-day ready and can take charge, make decisions, and lead your healthcare team to victory! So choose wisely.